I haven’t had a drink in 42 days and all I got were these lousy bumper-sticker ideas

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photo: davy carren

1. If it weren’t for panic attacks, I’d never get any exercise.

2. This machine runs on anxiety.

3. My worrying is all in my head.

4. Who needs to jog when you’ve got restless leg syndrome?

5. I’m not nervous; I’m just riddled with phobias and neuroses.

6. Sanity is overrated.

7. My other car’s a psychosis.

8. I’d rather be on Xanax.

9. Hypochondriacs are better lovers.

10. Don’t blame me; I’m delusional.

11. Caution: vertigo on board.

12. If this van’s a rockin’, I’m probably having a conniption fit.

13. Vasovagal syncopes are sexy.

14. If you can read this you are doing much better than I am.

15. Relax? Let me fret about it.

16. Crutch broken; watch for delirium.

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